Saturday, June 14, 2008
I'm not sure what to think about the situation. I'm about 75% sure that the things that you're saying to me is Grade A bullshit. But i think its the optimistic side of me that has the other 25%. Are things just going to be a repeat of last summer? Because all of that was bullshit... you knew it, i knew it. I'm in no mood to be fucked with. But i'm wondering if everything is a result of karma, yeah it might be coming back to haunt me. You even said to me last night that our situation was "complicated and was never really analyzed... but who says that you need to analyze our situation anyways? I'm in no rush to get into a relationship with you.... or anyone else for that matter. Like a good friend of mine once told me, i need to take care of my shit first. Why add more to the load when i know that it'll just fuck everything that i've been working on, right??!
It was exactly a year ago today and Jarrid and I broke up. Am i a freak for memorizing dates like that? Well anyways..... its kinda amazing to think of how far i have come from that point in my life. I was a mess, a wreck, yes i hit an all time low. Take a look at me now.... i feel much more independent. I look back on that relationship and realized now that i was abused. Kinda late, but better late than never. Yes, i'm not afraid to say it, i was emotionally abused, and continued to let it happen over and over again... because he "loved me." But i know now that there was NO EXCUSE for some of the shit that he pulled.
So what do i do now? Do i give you a chance? Do i give you a chance to see if you're actually sincere about our situation? If i do things might work out.... things might not. If things work out, cool, awesome, whatever. But i'm not sure if i want to risk being broken down again.
Guys are lame.
Anyways, enough of that. Here are some pictures from last night.
Partying on friday the 13th... PFT: what were we thinking?!? LOL
May i add that i didn't drink last night, and i haven't done so for a while.
Im fairly proud <3