Tuesday, June 30, 2009

hi, im kim and im an idiot.

What I do while hanging out with Chris. I'm always some sort of entertainment.

yeah, im stupid majority of the time.

Friday, June 26, 2009

I know you'll appreciate this one,

this makes me so happy..... i know you'll like this one, Veronica :D

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

"You cheated on me?! when i specifically asked you not to!"

I refuse to let the actions of others bring me down.
I refuse to let someone affect me that much.

I may be bitter, but i am not broken.

I am not going to let someones mistake consume me.
If i let that happen, then i believe that im not living... i will always be hesitant. I will not be living it out to the fullest.

I may be damaged, but i am not broken.

Monday, June 22, 2009

oh, jazz....

how i love you.
You know exactly how i feel and give me the words to express it....
also you're sexy and always have good singers expressing this shit.
Some dudes cover of Ellas - Cry me a River
jazz Standard.

"You drove me, nearly drove me outta my head. While you never shed a tear. Remember? I remember all that you said. Told me love was too plebeian. Told me you were through with me. Now you say you love me, well just to prove you do, go ahead and cry me a river, cry me a river. I cried a river over you."

Sunday, June 21, 2009

You feel me on this?

Thanks to Destiny for showing me this song during last jazz night.
This version of this song is super seductive and sassy... dare i say better than the original?
Here is Etta James' version of Billie Holidays song - Don't Explain.

"Hush now, Don't explain.
Just say you'll remain.
Im glad you're back.
Don't explain

Quiet, don't explain.
What is there to gain?
Stick that lipstick.
Don't explain

You know i love you
And what love endures
All my thoughts are of you
For im so completely yours
Cry to hear folks talk and i know you cheat.
Right or wrong don't matter when you're with me, sweet.

Hush, don't explain
You're my joy and pain
My lifes yours love,
Don't explain.

You know i love you
And what love endures
All my thoughts are of you
For im so completely yours
Cry to hear folks chatter, cause i know you cheat
Right or Wrong don't matter when you're with me, sweet.

Hush, don't explain
You're mt joy and pain
My lifes yours love,
Don't explain."

oh wow.

I was randomly looking through my old blog posts on my myspace and found this.

Friday, September 08, 2006

Current mood: contemplative
Category: Life

A friend once told me that it's not about why someone that you love/loves you would do anything to hurt you. Lie, Cheat, Disappoint, etc.

It's more about a person not wanting to believe that someone that you care about, that someone you trusted, that someone that you gave your heart to, would or actually could be capable of doing something like that. You don't WANT to believe that the one who you cared about soo much would do something of that nature if they knew that the outcome would cause you some sort of pain.

We as humans are so complicated. Why does eveything need to be a guessing game?

Why the hell did it take me like 2 fuckin hours to write this? ohh yeahh because i was too busy doing 4289749374893 other things at once.

G'night dearies."

Ha, somethings just don't change.
im trying... really hard.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Another "typing out loud" blog.

FACT: I am very insecure about myself. .... Very VERY insecure.

Insecure when it comes to every aspect of myself; personality and (like every other girl on the plant) looks. Past experiences have led me to be this way, with a dash of poor self image. I remember being judge by people when I was younger... In elementary school, constantly being compared to the pretty girls and all that other bullshit. I'm pretty sure that the fucked up part is that I was being judged by the people who were supposed to love me "unconditionally" the family. I was so used to being put down that the image is seared into my mind, and might be there forever. I'm scared that I might always think I myself as the awkward little girl who was a plain jane, perhaps even a little lower than that. Wow, typing this makes me realized just how fucked up in the head I am.

Past relationships have not helped with this at all either. Jarrid was really the first guy that I can really remember where the insecure thing really started to corrupt my relationship. We dated for a long ass time.... And no matter how bad he would fuck up... Or no matter how fucked up the things he would say to me were, it would always be my fault. And I shit you not... This was my thought process throughout the entire downfall...
He wouldn't be trying to hook up with other people if I were prettier... Or if I was better in bed... If I were funnier or nicer..."
that was literally my thought process, as opposed to the normal reaction of "This guy is a total doubhebag who can get whatever is thrown his way!"

The lesson of the blog...?
I'm fragile, damaged goods, broken. I've mentioned it before, but I don't think you believed me. Every time I get upset about the little things is because I'm going off and blaming myself for them. I blame myself for not being as pretty as the other girls. I blame myself for not being as entertaining as the other girls. I need reassurance.... That feeling that I actually am good enough.

I know that this isn't a one way street... Yes, I do need reassurance, but I also need the knowledge and confidence to know that I am pretty enough, that I am entertaining... That I am exactly where I need.... No, where I WANT to be.

Reading this blog out loud makes me feel so bad.... I didn't know that I was at this low of a point.
Oh, why can't I just have a normal brain... Fuck, I just did it again.