Thursday, April 30, 2009

just ranting, like usual.

Like usual, I can't sleep and my mind is left to wander. Thought I might as well get everything down now.

I cried at work today.... Great huh? Stephanie came into the backroom while I was crying, awesome. I guess I was upset because I heard 2 different things going on..... Or I wonder if it's just because I'm in a bitchy mood because of this weeks work schedule.... Who knows.

I read veronicas blog earlier tonight, and I'm thoroghly convinced that she's onto something. Maybe, as much as it kills me to say it, she's right about the whole "this is how a relationship is supposed to be" thing... Sounds terrible, but to be honest that is how all of my relationships have been. I'm not sure if that's how it really is, or if all of my past relationships were just tucked up.

They were probably just fucked up.... Which means I'm fucked up.
I knew it.

Today was shitty.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

you're good at this.

He had me feeling like my heart was in the pit of my stomach when he dropped those lines on me...

"I want to talk to someone bout you... But I don't want to talk to anyone else but you..."
"I want all of you or nothing at all..."

I'm in love with him, but so scared at the same time....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

so i have this letter,

im absolutely terrible at trying to say things that i need or want to say... so i was on the ferry last night and i just started writing... got everything that i wanted to say out without the awkward pauses that would have occured over the phone. i just wanted to let you know what was rolling through my head.

So the last couple of days i've been listening to the same songs over and over, its weird sometimes i will feel totally fine when im listening to them, and other times i wil want to just want to burst out into tears while driving on highway 16.
Current playlist:
The Edward Song - Veronica
Meet me in the City - The Black Keys
i want you - Kings of Leon
Wherever you go - Ida Maria

How ironic that i download all these songs the week before we break up... or is it coincidence?

im leaving for out california jazz trip tomorrow and im hoping that getting away from Gloomy old Washington will help me out a bit.

heres the one that gets me the most...
The Edward Song
I'm no good for you
You're no good for me
This will hurt, I know
you'll change your mind

This is what I want
I cannot pretend
& I promise I won't do this to you

Take care of yourself
Someone else needs you
Do not be reckless
I won't be there to save you

"Don't do this", you say
but it's far too late
My world is not made for you
I don't want you

To have a clean break
& me leave with out you
It's what's best for you
Time will heal all of your wounds

I'll always love you
in a way
But you must forget about me
like I never existed

Goodbye, take care of yourself

it's been decided... im sending the letter to you today, the day before i leave.
there i go acting off of impulse again...