Thursday, March 26, 2009

I keep pushing

And pulling, it's just bringing me down.

There's a lot to think about.
All I really know is that I'm terrible at dating.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

in response to my last post,

its not a matter of feeling that way anymore. Because your actions make it a known that it's just pure fact.

i need to get away from the places and people i have grown accustomed to.
i love them dearly, but it's time for something new.

Friday, March 20, 2009

it's been a while.

Ever have that feeling like you're never gonna be good enough no matter how hard you try.

That's where I'm at right now.

Monday, March 9, 2009

i want,


enough said.



What's up 100th blog post?!!?
Now on to what a really wanted to blog about....

So it's been a while since I've been in a relationship with someone ( or a somewhat healthy one anyways )
Thought I would weigh the pros and cons of dating; according to me anyways, so here we go...

let's get the bad stuff out of the way...
*being emotionally/physically drained - I find that when I'm dating a person that I get consumed in it (like most people) but I was talking to someone about how whenever something is going wrong in my relationships that I tend to get sick, physically sick. Now I'm not sure if I'm the only person who experiences this, but if I'm in a little tiff with my significant other, or if something is botherig me a lot, I feel like throwing up, totally sick to my stomach. I'm pretty sure that it's not normal for people to get physically sick from shit like that (I'm pretty sure that there's a medical term for that, anyone know it? Let me know what I'm suffering from.)

* constant 2nd guessing - I think that this issue has nothing to do with the other person and that it's all on me. I have been fucked over one too many times, and naturally, have some trust issues. I apologize for always second guessing and being suspicious, but I won't change my ways until someone proves me wrong.... I'm thoroughly convinced that 95% of men out there are douchebags and will take whatever they can get if they know that they can get away with it. Actually scratch that, I think that men AND women are capable an willing to do that to each other.

*loosing moolah - being in a relationship really does drain ones bank account. I remembe that when Jarrid and I dated I spent a lot of money on shit; food, movies, gifts, etc. If you're in a relationship make sure that your bank account can handle it.

Now onto the good things...
*love - Trevor told me once that I'm a hopeless romantic, and after all these years, it still holds true. I, LOVE having a connection with someone else that is totally different from everything else in your life. Different from family, co workers, friends, all of that.... I think that connection is something that everyone should experience. It's nice being able to have something that pure and rewarding as love is.

*pushing each other - call me crazy, but I like being tested when I'm dating someone. To me, I think it builds a lot of good characteristics in one another. In relationships you're forced into situations that may make you uncomfortable, but you learn how to deal and react. You build up will power, confidence, compassion. Nothing is as trying as being in a relationship.

Hmmmm 3 against 2. That's definately all I have to say about the subject... But it's almost 3 in the morning and I'm fuckin tired.
Ill continue this tomorrow.

Goodnight lovelies.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

A list,

Yesterday morning/afternoon was possibly the worst day/afternoon that i've had in a while.
So i decided that i would make a list of things that make me happy so that i can look at it and have it be a reminder of what i should be grateful for.

Amazing friends
Jazz Piano...actually any jazz
Friendly faces
Funny conversations
Being spontaneous
Closing early
Slow nights at work
& car sex.

i have to go to work.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Grow the fuck up already...

You need to fuckin man up already and get over it.
i can't believe that you would stoop so low as to post a picture of me, a private picture that i sent to you, over the fuckin internet.
i would never even think of doing that to anyone.

im so furious right now, i don't know what to do.